Depending on your definition either I am the poster child for how to meditate or I’m horrible at it.
Deciding to start a new small habit because small habits are easier to handle than big life-altering habits – I decided to start, well restart, meditating in the morning.
Upon waking and getting everyone out the door (because it is impossible to meditate with people asking where their shoes are), I sit down and close my eyes and begin meditating. Long breath in, holding the breath, and slowly letting the breath out. Repeat.
I don’t know how many times I do this, as I promptly fall sound asleep.
Which is odd because at night when I try to meditate to go to sleep, I sound like a freight train churning up the Swiss Alps. Do I fall asleep? Nope – I’m wide awake.
But, in the morning when the house is still, and I have a crap ton of work to do I’m out cold Every. Single. Time. It is maddening.
Since I’m the poster child for the inability to mediate without passing out like a 24-year-old at her first bachelorette party, I decided to try other forms of mediation.
One is working out in the morning. That was going swell until I broke my toe and while it is healing can’t bend my foot normally like you do when you walk. Which for those of you haven’t broken a toe is a lot. You bend your toes a lot.
I accepted that walking was going to be put on hold when the bumblebee stinging sensation and shooting pain takes my breath away and leaves me wondering – can I work from the bed with this foot up like a Rockette and how many ibuprofens are too many?
That leaves me with doing something else similar to meditating. Something where my mind can watch the thoughts float by. I started drawing or painting in the morning. It is pleasant, and I’m enjoying sitting at my table and creating.
However, I have discovered that the table is in Bermuda Triangle of sound waves. And, what goes missing is my sanity.
I am sensitive to sounds. Since it is cold out, multiple neighbors have taken to warming up their cars before leaving. Not defrosting. Warming.
I won’t even get into my rant about how horrible this practice is for the environment because that’s not the subject of this post.
But the other issue for me is the cycling of the engines. It is low thrumming sound. You can almost feel the dull thrum on your skin and since the vehicles are running simultaneously, the thrumming slowly goes in and out of sync in a bizarre cacophony.
It is like having a radio station fading in and out of tune to a song you hate but are forced to listen to because you’re not the driver.
There is no escaping it.
Turning on music – doesn’t drown it out. Neither do headphones. Neither does headphones with music playing. Plus, I don’t want to listen to someone else’s creativity. I want to be alone with my thoughts.
Eventually, they all leave to go to work and I’m left with the cooing doves, the refrigerator that hums, and the dog that snores. Sounds that never sync – thank the gods.
Thankfully, spring is coming and soon there will be no need to warm up the car in the morning.
And, for at least a few blessed months it will be quiet in the morn….
Perfect Yard Season is about to kick off full in swing of choking lawn mowers, screaming leaf blowers, and thrumming two-cycle engine gas powered pressure washers and a neighborhood filled with perfectionists.
Is there a pair of headphones good enough to block all that out?
Maybe I need to move?